When I woke up this morning with the intention of capturing smiles for today's assignment, I didn't think it would be so hard. My husband was grumpy, and didn't want to get out of bed, Liam was impatient, because he was *almost* crawling, but not enough. He was so fixated on the position of trying to get his knees under him--he barely acknowledged I was there. Then one thing after another started going down--one person cancelled a morning hang out, and then another, and then another. Three in one day. I felt so lame. SO. LAME. Then my Pot Roast shrank from being over a foot long (and so beautiful, barely any fat on it) to the size of a softball. I'm still trying to work out that mystery. And then I saw local photography work that I totally hated myself for judging, but I totally judged. This photographer was being published, was doing stylized shoots with people I wanted to mingle with, and I couldn't see how. I became so FIXATED on the fact that all these people were part of this great big community, and I couldn't get a greeting in edgewise.
I began to fall into a cloud of self-doubt. Don't you hate that? I'm pretty confident in who I am, and I am unabashedly in love with life. I know I'm plus size, I know that I can come across as someone who can't take anything seriously, and I really hate confrontation. But I LOVE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS. Clearly, since I just wrote a whole paragraph about *someone* who had threatened me in *someway*--but the point is, I know who I am--and I love myself. Every extra pound, extra pun, and extra insecurity. I still love who I am. But today, I really began to feel like I was maybe unworthy of being liked.
There was no light bulb moment. In fact, I really didn't notice how much my mood had lifted until I was uploading the images. But at some point through the day, I began to FIND joy, and it found ME.
Today's theme is SMILES, and rather than capturing a smile, I decided to capture things that had made me smile throughout the day. Turns out, a lot!
So, there you have it. Joy is everywhere, and you can really change the whole tone and feel of a day, if you just step out your front door. <3
Have a great weekend, peeps!